self esteem – The Woman I Pretend To Be

Poem

Silence Of The Skin

Posted on September 29, 2022 by Ruchi Bhardwaj

Recently I had a chance to collaborate with Smriti Gautam on a project with subject that we share a mutual interest for- women and the overpowering emotions.

Here is a glimpse of a very strong emotion- insecurity, that women face often and how they deal with it or choose to live with it.

A birth mark that looks a lil’ uncanny
A beauty spot in place revealing which feels funny
Scars from the everyday battle called life
Etched on my skin is my story.
Gazing at the color-
The pensive pigments and frivolous freckles
I see myself from a stranger’s eyes
The eyes with a shattering voice caging me in notions of beauty
Peeping at the mirror- I stand, I quiver, I introspect
A narrative of glory was written only to be trapped in qualms of unfortunate desire
Alas! I cover most of it-
Forging a smile attempting to embrace silence of my skin.

Days, weeks, months and years pass
I question who am I-
I discover many talents and some experiences worth tooting
Only. If only, I had the courage to stand tall with no fear of those wretched eyes and unkind voices
Alas! I stand covering myself in a piece of cloth constantly feeling naked.
The day I break away from the chains of being wanted
The moment I learn to savour my unconventional beauty
That day shall my skin recite the glorious tale of “becoming”
Till then I’ll stumble upon zones beyond comfort wishing to nurture who I am.

A big thanks to Smriti Gautam and all the lovely ladies who shared a piece of themselves and their stories with us.

Doodles, Experience, Poem

The House In The Village

Posted on February 5, 2020February 5, 2020 by Ruchi Bhardwaj

After years of dodging; every occasion with a more bitter excuse
Finally came a day when somehow the visit just couldn’t be refused
From far away, that house in village stood still and tall
Now haunted with lifelessness
On inside did it suddenly grow small?
Or was it the memory of it that brimmed with grandeur?
The windows creak
The walls reek
Spiders smile weaving a trap of nostalgia
The garden once full of roses and lemons is now musty;
Haunted by emptiness somehow braved through my grandmother’s beliefs-
Evident by the statue of Shiva I remembered since I could remember;
Survived lessons from my cousins teaching me to play games-
While I stood there being timid, young and shy.

Monkeys in the yard
My aunt’s smirky remarks
Talking to uncles altogether a hurdle-
I knew I never would fit in there,
Now affirmed.
Yet the lullaby from past lingered longer
Singing to me of a wish why did I let go so easy-
So early at an age so tender!
Alas! Now it is too late to return
Only reminscence, what hath been done cannot be undone.

Doodles, Poem

What Does She Seek?

Posted on December 6, 2019December 6, 2019 by Ruchi Bhardwaj

A pretty lady with thoughts gruesome
A heart lady-like but deeds one and all unkind
She looked fear in face-
No act of medallion or an attempt of being brave;
The mere trouble that she craved.
A wish to leave it all behind
Yet a victim of trauma and memory that she cherished and longed to embrace
Each day a new person aids her introspect the vacillating soul
Better or worse- she doesn’t realise upon dusk or dawn.
She’s curious, not lost
She’s not damaged, just hurt
She seeks muse, not love
She’s tired, not afraid
She is heartbroken, not disappointed;
Or is this all she speaks to put herself to sleep each passing night?