I Pray For You To Never Be My Muse

My words will hurt more than the loss
The story I would narrate will speak more than I ever did to you
No matter the pain you brought upon me
No matter how evil of you I speak
I pray for you to never be my muse.

Hidden beside the glory of being remembered eternally
There lies the misery of truth too bitter for you to taste
Your words left more scars upon my skin and beneath
I fear- so much chaos I cannot contain
Neither the excitement nor the joy
Neither the agony nor the fears.

Sure, with utter delight I would paint your pictures in colour
But wait for the colour as it eventually disappears
Do you dare to witness the hullabaloo reek?
Do you dare to see yourself step down from the pedestal within my heart and thoughts?
Do you dare to see my attempts to heal by blotching my paper-
Sometimes with ink, sometimes with colour, but mostly in tears?
Do you dare to be drawn in an attempt to be buried in the graveyard of memories?
I thought so-
In honor of the good times we shared long ago,
I pray for you to never be my muse.